Oh hai!

Long time, no write...

I've been thinking I should dust off my poor old blog and add a post. Then one of my very favorite bloggers linked to this post. Go ahead and take a look - I can wait.

I originally began this blog because I felt alone and unheard. Not that I have lots of followers (hi, Mom!), but the simple act of expressing my thoughts was enough. Then I got a new job with coworkers who were fun and supportive, so I didn't feel "unheard" any longer. Over time, things have changed at that job and once again my voice feels useless. 

In light of these changes, I've started thinking seriously about trying to start my own business. I'm hoping I can start small and work it as a side gig, then when the world falls in love with my chocolates, I can jump to full time. It's not easy because the depression is still there, which makes it difficult to think clearly. It's also tough to get back into the swing of a 2nd job. I try to do a little something every day and that should become a habit.

One of the first things is to get my recipes together. Some of my older confections don't even have a recipe because I just added flavors and chocolate until it tasted right. Oh, past Sarah... (shaking head)  Taste tester volunteers are easy to find, although careful testers are a little trickier to track down. Some of my testers are family members, which means I can also work out some shipping kinks in the process.

 If you have any tips for starting a side gig, PLEASE pass them along. I'm almost afraid to start making a task list because the sheer volume of stuff to be done is overwhelming.

Cells

Yesterday I was grateful for cell phones.  They kept me in touch with friends near and far.  They helped me make plans for lunch with my latest (totally awesome) friend.  She’s another transplant and it’s so nice to talk with someone who speaks my language.  Plus we had a marvelously silly conversation later in the evening (fueled by sugar, I suspect).

My long-distance friend has been out of touch for a little while, but now he’s back and it was wonderful to hear his voice again.  One of these days soon he’s going to call to tell me he’s in the mood for a road trip—I just know it.  The universe is going to help that happen.

Cell phones also help me keep in touch with Awesome ex-Coworker, even though she’s crazy busy with her new baby, new family, and new job. And every once in a while, they help me touch base with my best friend, in spite of his crazy schedule.  If only I could teach that guy to text…..

“Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others, but by simply accepting them as they are.  True acceptance is always without demands and expectations.” ~Gerald G. Jampolsky

That quote seems like a good definition of friendship to me.  It is pretty wonderful to have friends who accept me as I am, craziness and anxiety and all.  I hope they know that I love them exactly as they are, too.

Bad/Bat/Whatever

Halloween is just the funnest holiday there is.  It’s the one for sure and certain time of the year that I can dust off my old theater tendencies without making people consider calling the local authorities.  Of course, here in the Bible belt, there are plenty of people who give me the hairy eyeball for dressing up, but hey!  What can they do?  It’s Halloween!  It just warms the cockles of my little heathen heart.

This year, things got complicated.  I had originally planned to be a neo-geisha, but couldn’t find a geisha wig anywhere.  I have some black wigs, but no longer have access to a wig stand, so I couldn’t fake it.  Also, I bought a dress to be a zombie in a haunted house, but it was too nice to tear up.  In perusing my costume stash, I rediscovered my gargoyle wings.  These things are amazing, they’ve been languishing with my disguises for eight or nine years, and they’ve never been worn.  Combine the dress and the wings, cogitate………….ah-ha!  Add stripey socks and ta-da……bad fairy! 

The weather wasn’t really cooperating this year—quite chilly all weekend and no better on Monday.  It wasn’t as bad as the Halloweens we had in Illinois when I was a kid (think turtleneck and jeans, no matter what your costume was), but it wasn’t comfortable for short sleeves.  Luckily, I had arm warmers that went well with the outfit and my favorite old Frankenboots.  Here is the final product:

Now, I had in my head that I was a BAD fairy, but there was a bat on the wall by the employee door that morning.  Everyone who heard me say BAD fairy thought I said BAT fairy, since the whole building was all riled up by the tiny flying rodent outside.  Plus I had a mouthful of fangs.  And some people refused to believe that I was not a vampire.  Or a vampire bat.  (As if bad fairies don’t bite-hmph.)  After an entire morning of misinterpretation, I decided to just go with the flow (not my usual behavior, but hey—it was Halloween—gotta change it up now and then).  Voila—BAT fairy.

Bat

Bat Fairy

One of the other ladies in the office was so inspired by my costume, she ran home and changed.  Suddenly there were two fairies on our floor—one rave/dance fairy with purple hair and one bat fairy.  We were as cool as the company would allow us to be.  We trick-or-treated around the building for a while in the afternoon (and yes, a surprising number of people had candy stashed in their desks—woohoo!) and had our pictures taken a couple of times.

I worked at my second job in the evening and got to give out candy to all the kids who came in.  A few of them looked a little nervous at first, but as soon as they saw the treat bucket, those kids were FOCUSED.  No more worries about the scary lady behind the big desk (teehee).  Several of the parents complimented my costume and a couple of them were sporting pretty fabulous costumes themselves.  I’m not the only one who thinks that Halloween is the funnest—and that’s the best part of the whole day.

Note:  Thanks to Awesome Coworker for the picture of our little bat friend.

Crrrrravings

I sometimes think that there is a little monster living inside me that feeds only on cookies.  I can usually have just a little bit of something that I’m craving, or even substitute something similar (fruit instead of candy, edamame instead of chips), but not if I’m craving cookies.  If someone brings cookies to the office, it feels like there is a creature inside me that will actually reach out of my mouth, grab a cookie from the package, and drag it down my throat.  The wicked beast turns my head and forces me to look at the cookies each time I walk to the copier, insisting that I admire their sweet cheerfulness.  And, of course, the crumby things do make me cheerful.  That little zap of sugar will just perk me right up.  But only for a little while, and then……Must.  Have.  Cooooooooookie.  The varmint starts right up again.  I swear it’s not really me.  It’s my own inner cookie fiend.

BTW, as of yesterday afternoon, Awesome Coworker is now officially an Awesome Mommy!  Hooray! 

Trying to be a grown-up

My grandmother always said "If you can't say something nice, then zip it, kiddo."  She was a wise lady and I try to follow her advice when I can, which is why I didn't even try to post yesterday.  I've been spending the last couple of days coming down from my sugar buzz and catching up on bill-paying, daily work, cleaning, cooking......basically trying to be a grown up.  I'm even eating my vegetables!  I do wish that I could spend my birthday $$ on fun presents for myself instead of on living expenses, I have to admit.  Acting like a grown up sucks, but at least I have the skills to dig in and take care of things when I must.              (sigh.)

Also, we're all waiting for Awesome Coworker to have her baby.  Just got an update--she is going in at midnight to be induced, if she hasn't gone into labor by then.

It's Official!

I got whiplash for my 40^th birthday.

Not physically, but emotionally.  I was able to sleep in a little that morning, because I had a doctor’s appointment (yay), and I wore one of my favorite dresses and some cute shoes to boost my confidence (yay).  But I forgot to grab my lipstick when I left the house (boo) and I had to skip my lunch hour because of the appointment (boo).

When I got to work, my coworkers had decorated my desk.  Well, added to my decorations, because I had put up a bunch of quotes about aging that made me laugh (“Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.”  “It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.”  “We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse.”)  I had expected the black crepe paper and confetti, but the “RIP Sarah’s Youth” on the department door and on the cubicle hit me really hard for some reason.  I stomped a few of the balloons (yay for high heels), but it didn’t help as much as I had hoped.  I came uncomfortably close to crying and it took most of a cup of coffee to recover (boo).  My recently discovered half-sister sent me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a small box of Godiva  chocolates, which helped the recovery efforts immensely (yay).   We were going to order lunch from my favorite Chinese restaurant, but they weren’t open for lunch that day—kind of random hours there (boo).  So we had Chik-Fil-A™ instead (yay).  My cake had a Maxine cartoon on it, but it wasn’t one that made me laugh and Maxine and her dog were not really recognizable (it wasn’t bad enough for Cake Wrecks, but it was close) (boo).  It was a tasty cake, though, and there was Breyers ice cream to go with it (yay).

I had dinner at my favorite local sushi place (yay).  But only 3 of the dozen or so people I had invited managed to show up (boo).  We had gobs of fun without ya’ll—just so you know.

The rest of the weekend was filled with similar ups and downs, but it’s wearing me out just to talk about it, so you’ll have to take my word for it.  Whew.  Happy Birthday to me—can I have that nap now?

Heavy

Went to a Chinese buffet for lunch and ate waaaaay too much.  I’m so full, I can barely think, much less write.  I feel like I swallowed a watermelon.  Whole.

Since I’m too full to be creative, here’s an email conversation I had with one of my coworkers this morning:

Me:  Got a weird question for ya.  You know anyone who has a digital camera they don't want anymore?  I'd like to be able to put pictures on my blog.

Awesome coworker:  Other coworker* said her camera is nice but it’s definitely been used.

Me:  Used for what?!?!?!        (O.O)  

k.  Now that’s out of my system.  Does it still work, does she have the cords n stuff, how many dollars does she want for it (cuz I don’t have too many extra at the moment)?

Awesome coworker:  We were thinking about for your bday but I didn’t know how you’d feel about a used camera.  She has everything to it.

Me:   Did you ever read the Winnie-the-Pooh story about Eeyore’s birthday?  Where Piglet brings him a balloon, but falls on it and pops it when he’s running to Eeyore’s house?  And Pooh brings him a pot of honey, but gets hungry and eats all the honey on the way there?  Then Eeyore is all excited because they brought him a flat balloon and a jar to put it in, and spends the rest of the afternoon happily putting the balloon in the jar and pulling it out, over and over?

I’d feel like that.

She laughed at that last bit, which is just one of the reasons she is awesome.

*Not her real name.  Seriously—Who would name their kid “Other?”