It's Done.

Oh my stars and garters, I can’t believe I did it.  I’ve taken the first big step toward my chocolate superstar dreams.  I registered for the chocolate class.  I swore last year that I was going to take it, but budget and time constraints made it unworkable.  Of course, I still have the same time constraints at the moment, but my budget has just enough room.  And this is my dream.  This is what I really want to do with my life.  I want it more than I want to run a marathon, and more than I want to finish my steampunk outfit, and more than I want to find a different clerk job.  I will find a way to complete the coursework.  There’s a good chance that much of my homework will consist of things that I was doing in December—tempering chocolate, molding it, dipping things in it, making up flavor combinations.  I keep a notebook for my chocolate-making endeavors from year to year, so hopefully I’ve already got the needed information for some of the course.  It’s scary to drop so much cash all at once, though.  I suppose for plenty of people out there it’s not so expensive, but for me…….huge.  It’s a sizeable chunk of change and I’m desperate for this course to be worth it.

I did email a big bunch of the graduates who have their successful chocolate business websites linked to the Ecole Chocolat site.  The ones who had the time to reply all said they got some value out of the course.  For some it was technique, for some it was clarifying the business side of things, and for some the whole course was exactly what they needed.  I’m reasonably confident of my ability to create fine confections (although I still have some difficulty with caramel—that stuff is tricky!).  I’m hoping this course will increase my abilities and confidence as an entrepreneur.  I’m hoping that this is my breakthrough.

I know that some of you may see this kind of thing as trivial, and you probably think I’m dumb to get all hyper/excited/scared about a stupid online course.  But for me, it’s the first step past my own personal barriers to success.  My heart, mind, and soul need this course completed and this business opened.  And yet, some part of my subconscious is absolutely unnerved at the thought of believing in myself that much. 

Wish me luck!  And if anyone wants to volunteer to make me dinner or clean my house so I have time to study, I’d be thrilled to have the help!  Encouraging comments would be most welcome, also—I am thrilled and terrified at the same time and I can barely breathe.  This feels like a huge step right now.  But it’s a step toward my dearest dream.  Oh man, this is frexciting*!

*frexcite: to rouse to an emotional response stimulated by simultaneous fright and excitement.

From Melissa “Melicious” Joulwan at The Clothes Make the Girl.