#haiku

I have an Instagram account that I post to about as often as I post here. Except my Instagram posts include more poetry--haiku, specifically. This feels a little like cheating as far as blog posts go, but I thought I'd share a few of my instacritter posts with you:

Other chores await

But sleepy lap cat says no.

Chores will keep waiting.

  Why are we stopping?

I love hiking in the snow!

I don't like stopping.

A freaked out feline

Found at a local Goodwill.

Treasure left behind.

You know it's cold out

When the radiator sprouts

A fluffy cover.

SAD - It's not depression, it's a throwback

What if Seasonal Affective Disorder (for winter, at least) is actually a coping mechanism? I mean, think about it...  A lot more of human history happened by candlelight than by electric light. When there was more night than day and the weather was bitter, people did as little as possible outdoor work, then kept themselves and their livestock indoors where it was warmer and safer. They slept more, which helped to conserve their often meager resources through that season. If a person had their normal levels of energy, cabin fever would be a serious problem, but S.A.D. would help avoid that situation. 

S.A.D. feels different from my other depression, too. During other depressive episodes, I experience self-loathing, sometimes suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and irrational anger/annoyance, in addition to my lack of motivation or energy. During S.A.D. episodes, I feel like sleeping more, eating things that increase my personal layers of insulation, and sitting quietly indoors, but I don't feel badly about myself. My genetic background includes a lot of German along with a smattering of other northern European influences. In other words, people who would have spend half of the year sleeping more, eating high-calorie meals, and staying indoors as much as possible. So maybe my S.A.D. is not a disorder at all--it's an evolutionary coping mechanism for conditions that no longer exist. Because we have electric lights, cars, and better heaters, we are now expected to continue "business as usual" all year long. But my system is geared toward a season of withdrawal and quiet, so continuing to keep up with everyday life is difficult for me.

Maybe this winter, I'll try to find a happy medium. Exercise just enough to stay strong, go to bed a little earlier, and schedule some time to sit quietly and read every day. I'll give myself permission to rest and retreat a little more and cooperate with my instincts.

Apparently, winter drools a little...

Snugglebeep

Two years ago, I adopted a troubled little cat named Bailey.  He was terrified of new people and had lots of other anxiety issues.  He had lived at the shelter for most of his two years and was in need of a good deal of patience and quiet love.  Even though Bella never made friends with him, he slowly and steadily came out of his shell.  

He's still frightened of new people and anxious about loud noises, but he loves to snuggle with me and my partner and is relaxed around our two big dogs.  When I reread my post from his early days with me, I realized how far he has come and how much he has opened up to us.  His name changed from Bailey to Beep, once he let us see what a sweet, funny little guy he is.  It's incredible to see him cruising confidently around the house, asking for dinner or attention, and letting the dogs know where his boundaries are.

Slightly annoyed at having his picture taken this early

Early "brave" moment

HAPPY 2ND ADOPTIVERSARY, BEEP!

Winter munchies

Right this minute, all I want is a big plate of cheese fries with real bacon and a good beer.  Ah, winter weather, you are making me want all the wrong things.  Tasty...but it's the wrong thing to do.  I will eat my applesauce and cinnamon walnuts and go for a run later.  Boring...but it's the right thing to do.

Sigh.

Depression and Bacon

Grief + depression = massive amounts of "please can't I stay in bed today" (hint: no, you can't). One of these days I'll write a eulogy for my little cat baby, but this is not that day.  I'm still disoriented without her.  I've been depressed for so long that I alternate between actual depression, frustration with the continued depression, and sheer boredom with being depressed. 

Fairy Tale

Happiness.

Like a unicorn
or a dragon-

A rumor, a tale
of something that existed
Once upon a time,

A long time ago.

I feel like this unicorn really understands my poem...

Yeah, depression is pretty boring.  More interesting--this weekend I invented a new comfort breakfast.  My primal version of the cinnamon roll is a bacon-wrapped banana, which is exactly as awesome as it sounds.  Wind a piece of bacon around a peeled banana and bake it at 400F until the bacon is as done as you like--crispy bacon, gooey banana.  And it's easier to make than the cinnamon rolls you get in the can.  It's not particularly easy to share, though, so I created THIS:

Baked Bacon-nanas

1/2 lb bacon
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp cardamom
1/8 tsp cloves
4-6 bananas, sliced
Butter

Place the bacon on a wire rack over a cookie sheet.  Bake at 400F for 15 minutes.  Cut into bite-sized pieces.  Butter an 8x8 baking dish and place banana slices in the bottom.  Combine the spices and sprinkle over the banana slices.  Scatter bacon pieces on top.  Bake at 375F for 10-15 minutes.  Enjoy!

Still pretty danged easy to make and very easy to share.  Or not, because you may be tempted to keep it to yourself.
 

Huevos Whatever

Here's another "open a can of" recipe that works for any meal.  It's particularly good as second breakfast after a long run.  There has been some controversy over what to call it, as my roomie thought it looked Christmasy but I feel that the number of green things in the dish was more important.  (I also suspect that giving it a holiday name might limit the number of weekends that some people would be willing to eat it.)  We have currently settled on calling it "Huevos Verdes" when it's snuggled under a blanket of guacamole* or using "Huevos Navidad" when it's topped with golden shredded cheese.  Whatever the name, I call it stupendous weekend food:

Huevos Whatever/Huevos Verdes/Huevos Navidad

approx. 1 tsp butter
14 oz can fire-roasted diced tomatoes
1/2 bag of frozen chopped spinach (they are 12 oz, I think?)
1 tsp ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp chili powder
2-4 eggs
Guacamole or shredded cheese

Melt the butter in a frying pan or saute pan over medium heat.  Add tomatoes (with their juice) and heat until simmering.  Add frozen spinach.  Heat, stirring occasionally, until spinach is warmed through.  Thoroughly mix in cumin and chili powder.  Simmer until liquid has thickened/evaporated to your taste.  Turn the heat down to medium-low and use a large spoon to make one depression in the mixture for each egg.  Break the eggs into the nests you made for them.  Put a lid on the pan and cook until the egg is done the way you like it.  (I like runny yolks, my roomie prefers solid ones.  He's a bit odd.)  Scoop into bowls and top with guacamole or shredded cheese.  Enjoy!


What will you call yours?  Leave a comment and let me know!  (Or leave a comment and correct my admittedly faulty Spanish--whatever pleases you most.)

*Thanks for that description, Papa Don.  It's a comforting dish and that was the perfect phrase for it.

My Morning Mile

Oh hai!  Where've you been?  It seems like it's been ages since I saw you all.  Dunno if you remember this, but about a year ago I was wondering what my winter/spring would have been like if I hadn't been training for a marathon.  Turns out that it's like major depression.  The kind that makes it easy to give in to my cravings for sugar and other carbs.  The kind that makes it difficult to do anything beyond the absolute minimum required.  Plus the minimum required at work has gotten pretty maximum in the last 4-5 months.  Plus other changes (and make no mistake--even good changes are stressful).  It's been tough. 

It's getting easier, at last.  The "I don't know how this is going to work" has settled into "we're finding our way through this."  The changes required more time than expected, so workouts have fallen to the wayside.  I went a full month without lacing up running shoes or unrolling my yoga mat.  Yes, yes--exercise is the #1 antidepressant--but sleep deprivation doesn't make depression any more pleasant to deal with either.  Still.  I keep waking up half an hour before the alarm goes off, so I decided to use that time to do something besides lay quietly and try to rest my body while my mind runs circles around my to-do list.

Yep.  That early.  (found the pic here with 10 tips to shut up and run)

One of my new roommates is a dog--a lovely husky/lab mix who is a bit neurotic.  I've seen similar behavior in purebred working dogs who have no work to do.  Working dog breeds seem to be more settled if they have activities similar to the ones they were bred to do. I thought that perhaps I could help us both.  About a week ago, I got up as soon as I woke up, laced up my running shoes, snapped on her leash, and went out into the cool of the dawn for a teeny-tiny, one-mile run.  I've done the same thing each day since then.

My running buddy, mid-wag

She gets very excited when she sees the running shoes go on my feet. She's also getting better at running on a leash and beginning to get used to the sustained effort the run requires.  She's learning to sniff things briefly without actually stopping our run.  She's learned a couple of commands and is slowly accumulating more. I'm not a morning person, so mostly this early running makes me tired and hungry.  However, it feels good to know that I'm becoming a runner again.  Plus, it's over before my sleepy brain realizes what I'm doing  (just like the motivational signs say).  

Found the poster here with 7 reasons to exercise early

And it's nice to start the day by making some creature ridiculously happy.

Three Good Things: Snow Daze Edition

Ugh.  Snow.  It's looking like work may be closed for the next day and half.  Super.  (When will there be a sarcasm font?!  I NEED IT.)  So I'm looking at lots of time all by myself and it doesn't make me all that happy because I'm once again wishing that things were different.  I'd much rather spend the time snuggled with my partner, and theoretically he feels the same way, but once again it just can't happen.  Knowing that is making it tough to look on the bright side.  I'm gonna try to do it anyway:

1. Being alone makes it much more likely that I will get plenty of sewing and crafting done.
2. No one will be around to see how much popcorn and/or chocolate I can consume in one sitting.
3. I don't have to share the sources of warmth (heater, blanket, cats) or the remote control.

So there you have it.  Snow days are for crafting and junk food.  And cats.

From the ilikeCATS Etsy Shop

 If it's cold and/or snowy where you are--stay warm and snuggle up with whatever or whoever is close by (and consents to the snuggles, of course--always get consent).

Three Good Things 1.27&28.15

Walking to work in below-freezing weather is so frustrating.  Because I’m wearing office-appropriate garb, my legs are freezing but my core is sweating.  Maybe I need to find a good pair of snowpants to walk in.  They’re like a coat for your legs!

1. I got to be part of unleashing a secret resident into one of our exhibits at work. I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you and that's more effort than I care to invest in right now.
2. Had a tasty dinner with good company at a local restaurant instead of running in the frigid wind on Tuesday, but did a kickboxing routine on Wednesday to make up for missing my run.
3. The dinner that I made up inside my head turned out to be pretty danged tasty.

I don't have a recipe for the dinner, but I can give you the basics.  I peeled a couple of butternut squashes, cut them into bite-sized pieces and tossed with olive oil and a bunch of spices (cinnamon, garlic, cayenne, nutmeg, cloves, salt).  I roasted them until they were completely cooked.  Cooked and sliced a couple of Irish Bangers (though any sausage you like would work).  The next evening, I turned the production over to my partner.  The squash went back in the oven to reheat while he diced and sauteed some onion in coconut oil, tossed in a box of baby kale (plus a little water) and sauteed that with the onion.  Then the sliced sausage went in the pan to reheat.  We piled everything together on a plate and ate it like someone was going to take it away from us.  Well, I ate mine like that (because I had just finished kickboxing--Hiiiiiiiiya!).  He was much more civilized about it.

 

Three Good Things 1.24&25&26.15

Time got away from me yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to put together a blog post.  Here are my three good things from this weekend:

1. Managed to run 9 miles and got to do the last two with a friend.
2. Finished all the cooking that I planned to do.
3. Had a fun trip to the thrift store and my partner* bought me a dress that makes me giggle whenever I look at it.

The dress is one of those snazzy cotton blend straight up and down dresses from the 90's.  This particular dress is black with zebras and hibiscus flowers.  Who knew that zebras were native to Hawaii?! (hint:  zebras do NOT live in Hawaii unless they are in a zoo.)  I plan to take the dress apart and create something that will fit my shape better--a swirly skirt or a sundress.  Can't wait to show off my Hawaiian zebras!

And now for my three good things from yesterday:

1. My mom sent me a cool pair of short boots with no heel and they fit perfectly.
2. Had a long lunch with a couple of my favorite guys.
3. Nearly finished a project at work much sooner than the higher-ups anticipated (again).

Receiving the boots was extra-lucky because I was on my feet all afternoon.  I was wearing pumps that weren't terribly comfortable, so I was very glad to have more comfortable footwear to get me through the day.
 

The Hawaiian Zebra Hermit Crab is as close as Hawaii comes to a native zebra

*I use the term partner because some of my friends are married and some are dating, and because I believe the terminology should be the same across the board, whether you are gay or straight, married, living together, or dating.  You are romantically involved with that person currently (and if you’re romantically involved with more than one, you have partners—simple as that).  It’s easier all around, but I doubt it will catch on since it doesn’t give anyone a social cue about the status of your romantic relationship or if your significant other (or others) happen to be the same gender as you are. Humans are so illogical.  I did discover that one of my heroes defines it similarly, so if you have a moment check out Laci Green.

 

 

 

Three Good Things 1.22ish.15

Fell off the wagon already, but I’m climbing back on.  I had a day or two where making it through the day without crying was all I could manage, so figuring out good things and writing them down took more effort than I had in me.  But hey—now I have a couple of days to look through, so it should be easier.

1. New Orleans-style snowball break with a friend because sometimes you just need that much sugar all at once.
2. One of my favorite bloggers had good news to share.  Her hubby is a terrific guy by all accounts, so I was really pleased to read about her happeez. 
3. After-work drinks with a couple of my favorite coworkers.  Not too much alcohol, but definitely some interesting conversation.

 

I didn't actually drink enough to be hung over, but I considered it...

Bonus good things: it’s finally Friday and I have a dinner date!

Three Good Things 1.20.15

Not having an awesome day, can’t seem to escape the blues but here’s my three things:

1. Got to run with a couple of friends that I haven’t seen in ages.
2. Found a nerdy graphic novel at the library.
3. Made it to quittin’ time again.

Crossing my fingers that this is a momentary downswing and things will be looking up again soon.

Three Good Things 1.19.15

Back to work.  Mondays are a lot less fun now that my cool boss has taken his coolness elsewhere.  Still, it shouldn’t be too tough to come up with three things for yesterday.

1. The weather continues to be more comfortable.  It has continued the warming trend that started this weekend, which makes me happy.  Yay for lighter coats and no boots!
2. Made it to quittin’ time without getting myself into trouble.  Yay for quittin’ time!
3. Did yoga right away when we got home.  That’s the 3^rd week in a row—pretty soon it’ll be an actual habit.  Yay for good habits!

I’m starting to get comfortable with yoga again.  I was supposed to start it during my marathon training last spring, but didn’t quite manage it.  I’ve talked someone into doing it with me instead of using him as an excuse to avoid it.  You often see the suggestion to find a workout buddy to keep yourself on track, since you’re less likely to skip a session if you know someone is waiting for you.  That’s rarely been a problem for me, BUT… I am easily distracted.  Getting my distraction to do yoga with me was a good idea—no shirking now since he’s pretty tenacious (and I think he’s rather enjoying the sessions).

Or maybe he just enjoys the yoga pants.